


Saviour

by redvelvetfics



Category: Big Bang (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, F/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 17:14:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6713767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redvelvetfics/pseuds/redvelvetfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ji Yong walks in on Irene to discover her self-harming….again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saviour

**Author's Note:**

> written by wolfkid (AFF)  
>  **Prompt:** 69  
>  **Pairing:** Irene/GD (Big Bang)  
>  **Rating:** PG-13  
>  **Warnings:** Triggers, Self harm, Dark fic  
>  **Author’s Note:** Just a short and potent drabble. I would have liked to do a little more but I think I’ve communicated what I wanted in the word limit which was 2000. Just 17 more than the word count lol.

It was happening again. 

That clawing, hollow sensation in the pit of stomach. Her breathing was shaky. She was pale. And although she was sitting in a penthouse suite, surrounded by the epitome of luxury, she felt as if a gaping hole of nothingness would swallow her up any minute. She could feel that familiar itch on the insides of wrists.  
But his voice rang in her ears: _Don’t do it, Irena. Don’t do it._  
She still didn’t understand why someone like Ji Yong saw a saving grace in the shrivelled husk she had become. When he’d met her, she had been at the lowest point in her life. All who supposedly loved her had given up on her. She seemed highly repulsive to herself everytime she looked into the mirror.  
And it was at that point that she had decided life held nothing more for her that she could hold onto.  
Just as she was about to fall off the edge of that metaphorical cliff edge, a rope of silk had appeared in the form of Kwon Ji Yong. He had saved her. _Him,_ with his unusually kind eyes and a smile that lit up every corner of her soul. It hadn’t been enough – there was still much work to be done. But Ji Yong had been patient and he had loved her so thoroughly that she had no reason to complain or want for anything.  
With his help and his tireless adoration of her (something she would never understand), Irene finally got to a point where she started acting like a normal human being.  
But it was happening again.  
Ji Yong had been busy these past few months, almost non stop. At first she had coped with it well but soon, what with the stress of her own work life, the familiar hand started to choke around her throat.  
The clock struck exactly midnight.  
Irene got up slowly, the reflection of her six inch high stilettos mirrored in the marble floor. As she walked into the master bedroom, she slid the silken dressing gown back off her shoulders. It pooled on the floor in a flurry of silk. She loosened her hair from its ponytail and it fell in dark curls down her back.  
She sat down before the vanity table and turned on the lights. Her eyes failed to refract that light and remained as dull as ever. She sighed deeply as she thought about him again. She couldn’t do this – she couldn’t hurt him. She couldn’t let him down _again._ It had been okay when she had been pushing him away as he chased her. But to do it now when she had already accepted his love and promised to make this work…it would be criminal.  
As if to distract herself, Irene opened a drawer and pulled out a tube of scarlet lipstick. It was his favourite shade. For some strange reason, all the other shades were also some form of red, but he preferred this one. She twisted it out and stared at it in silence before putting it to her lips.  
She parted her lips as she felt the silky texture of the rouge coat her skin. Putting on makeup had always been therapeutic for her – this was her attempt to ward of the dangerous thoughts swirling in her mind. But as she kept circling the lipstick over her mouth, she realised it wasn’t working.  
Suddenly, her hand slipped and a red streak was created on the right side of her mouth. On an impulse, Irene let her hand keep going and ended up making a very creepy half of the Joker’s smile. She did the other half with careful precision and then stared at the macabre effect.  
A giggle escaped her lips.  
It wasn’t a happy sound. It was like a choking sob. But it was definitely a laugh. She laughed so hard she cried. Tears poured down her face, streaking her cheeks with mascara. She was no longer beautiful. She was like a perverse physical representation of the darkness inside her.  
And then she realised – _no more distractions._ She would save both her and Ji Yong the trouble of having to work on something that was irretrievable. She would die and he would find someone who would love him as he deserved.  
“You’re a bitch who doesn’t deserve anyone’s love,” she spat at her reflection.  
She reached into the drawer and removed the false panelling. Ji Yong made sure she was never near any kind of knife but he had no idea she had an enamelled pen knife hidden away for this very purpose. Poor Ji Yong – he was unaware of so many things.  
She stared down at the creamy expanse of her skin. Her veins throbbed invitingly under the paper thin layer of skin protecting them. _One….two….three…._  
She slid the blade sideways.  
A soft, high pitched gasp left her lips. The feeling was almost only pleasurable now. It had used to hurt once. Now, the pain was automatically converted to a sick sort of ecstasy. Blood splattered onto the marble floor, the white table – it was macabre.  
She did the same to the other wrist. Her eyes closed, rolling back into her skull. She could die like this – she wouldn’t’ even mind. Just sit here, as the life’s essence drained out of her. _Breathe in, breathe out….._  
She sat back in her chair, not caring about the mess. Not caring about anything.  
_Slam._  
“JooJoo?”  
Her eyes snapped open. _Oh dear god, no._  
Why is he here?  
He’s supposed to be in China right now!  
No, no – NO!  
She couldn’t move. She was frozen, a pale ice sculpture, dotted with scarlet.  
He walked inside, footsteps unhurried, still talking casually about – whatever he was talking about – she wasn’t listening. And then he pushed the bedroom door open and –  
He also froze.  
It felt like years passed before he finally moved into action.  
All the previous times returned to her. The way his pupils contracted with fear and shock as he rushed forwards. He didn’t even say anything this time. He used to – but not anymore. She figured he’d run out of things to say now.  
Out came the first aid box from the bathroom cabinet. _Wrap, wrap, wrap_ went the bandages. He didn’t’ bother with the blood. He just scooped her up from the chair and carried her to the bed. Asked her hurried questions:  
“How long were you sitting there?”  
“Do you feel dizzy?”  
“Irene, _tell me how long you were bleeding out_!”  
“O-only ten minutes,” she stammered, too shaken up to talk more.  
He ran out to the kitchen to bring her an energy drink from the fridge. He watched with hawk eyes as she drank. Then, put it on the cabinet and sat down on the bed. And just like that, his rigorously maintained composure melted. His shoulders dropped. His head fell into his hands and he sat there, looking as if he’d aged another ten years.  
Irene stared at him in silence.  
_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._  
The clock went on its merry way.  
“Why?”  
Her eyes had dropped to the bedsheets but now they lifted to look at him again. His face was still in his hands. But his shoulders were shaking a little now. Her heart clenched in an icy fist. _Oh no, he’s crying._  
She reached out haltingly, touching her fingertips to his arm. But he threw her hand off. She jumped in shock and pulled it back. Ji Yong lifted his head and turned it to look at her. She’d been right – his eyes were soaked with tears and not all of them managed to stay there. They fell down his cheek like beautiful little diamonds – she wanted to collect and treasure each and every one.  
“ _Why_?!” he repeated, full out crying now, “Have I not done enough?! How many times have I said I can’t live without you! If you’re gone, who else am I ever going to love?! Do you not love me anymore?”  
“I-I do! Of course, I do! Please don’t say that – “ she cried, her eyes wide as she protested.  
Not in a million years did she want him to think she loved him even a little less.  
“Then why are you doing this yet again?! Do you know what I see in my nightmares?! I see myself walking home one evening to find you dead on the bed, your wrists slashed and your beautiful eyes dead and dull forever!” he screamed, his face reddening with a mixture of anger and anguish.  
“I did it because I loved you!” she yelled back, “I’m a burden on your shoulders! You’re always taking care of me and you shouldn’t have to! You deserve someone better to love you – not a pathetic wreck like me!”  
“Don’t you _dare_ ever say you’re a burden on me!” he shouted, loudly enough to make her start with fright and fall silent.  
He took a few deep breaths, visibly focusing on calming himself down. Then, he reached forward and took her face in his hands, cupping it like it was the most exquisite, most fragile thing in the world.  
“You’re not a burden,” he said quietly, “love is not a burden. And I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. I don’t want or deserve someone better – there’s no one better than you – not for me anyway. And I’ll take care of you till your last dying breath and not even give it a second thought. Do you know why? Because I need you like junkies need drugs. If you died and left me, I wouldn’t be able to go on. You think I’d just move on and find another girl? I wouldn’t! I’d fucking _die_ Bae Joohyun – when will you get that into your damn skull?!”  
The pressure of his fingers on her face tightened a little, as emotion overtook him. But he loosened them again as he fell silent. They stared at one another for a few moments, her dark eyes expressionless as she blinked at him.  
_Say something._  
I’m giving up on you…  
The song rang through his head like a death march. He couldn’t get rid of it. And his heart sank with every passing second she remained silent.  
But then –  
“I understand,” she whispered.  
He didn’t realise he’d been holding his breath. But now, he finally took a deep breath and his heart started beating again.  
Irene lowered his hands gently and then moved forward on the bed to sit beside him. She slid her arms around his neck, holding his head to hers. Her lips found his neck, kissing his skin sweetly, softly. Ji Yong closed his eyes as his body responded as ecstatically as ever to the way she loved it. Her lips trailed along his jawline, across his cheek – and then she tilted his chin to face her – and found his lips.  
They kissed for as long as it took for them to get lost in the taste of the other. He pulled her into his lap, cradling her like a little doll as his lips made love to hers – _voraciously, sweetly, impatiently_. He was making up for weeks of lost time in which he’d been too busy to come to her.  
When they broke away, his eyes were dazed but his expression was stern.  
“Never again,” he told her.  
He didn’t ask. He commanded. But maybe that was what she needed.  
Irene gazed at him in blissful silence for a moment, trying to come to terms with the fact that this wonderful man was really hers.  
_Forever._  
And even though she knew it’d be hard and there’d be times when she’d almost give in to the temptation – she knew the expression in his eyes right now would always hold her back.  
“Never again,” she promised.


End file.
